top of page
Search
Writer's pictureKaterina Nemcova

Release from Inherited Pressures


Many of us carry the weight of our family's expectations, criticisms, and judgements long into adulthood. These internalised voices - often a parent's harsh remarks or impossible standards - can profoundly shape our self-perception, behaviour, and ability to enjoy our lives. These internalised criticisms can become so entrenched that we often struggle to distinguish them from our genuine selves.


Consider, when you buy a house, it becomes entirely yours. The previous owners don't get to barge in and tell you how to arrange the furniture or what colour to paint the walls. Similarly, as adults, we have the power to decide which family 'standards' and values we keep and which we discard. Yet we struggle to claim this autonomy and allow the echoes of past criticisms to dictate our self-worth well into middle age.


Sadly, some individuals only experience a sense of liberation after their controlling or judgmental parents have passed away. But it doesn't have to be this way. We can begin the process of liberation while our family members are still alive by setting boundaries and actively challenging the unhelpful messaging we have internalised. By doing so, we can uncover our authentic identity.


Many of us have inherited the belief that being hard on ourselves is a great motivator. We believe that unrelenting judgement will drive us to excellence. This approach, while often well-intentioned, ultimately backfires. It might lead to short-term productivity bursts, but often results in long-term negative consequences of burnout and perfectionism paralysis.


In reality, kindness towards oneself is a far more effective motivator. It helps us view mistakes as learning opportunities, not personal failures, and encourages growth without requiring infallibility. This process is not about blame or resentment. Our parents and family members often passed on what they themselves inherited. It is about recognising that we have the power to break cycles of criticism and judgement in ourselves.


So if the world is truly yours now, how will you choose to live in it?


Katerina Nemcova

Clinical Psychologist

3 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

コメント


bottom of page